What are some funny and smart quotes?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Would Donald Trump's reelection make the world more dangerous?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

Why do heterosexual men like anal sex with women? I think it's because they secretly want to have anal sex with a man? What do you think?

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

Why is the mainstream media, traditionally liberal except for Fox, not reporting on Trump like he's a traditional candidate who has ideas, values, and a concern for the common good?

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”